Not so long ago we had Danny “Sex Bomb” Feetham on stage at Gibraltar’s National Song Contest showing us his moves. In recent weeks he has morphed into Captain Danny “Long Johns” Feetham, once cabin boy to Admiral-in-Chief Caruana, and dancing the Hornpipe over the floating hotel issue.
First “Long Johns” shimmied and gave the impression that his party were against the floating hotel. Quick change of step when the Government reminded him that in office the GSD had recognised some value in a floating hotel. Indeed they had even held discussions to bring one here and that they actually did so for a particular sporting event.
Next “Long Johns” put his left leg in saying that his party welcomed the investment and but then shook it all about shifting the argument.
Then “Long Johns” sang out voicing his concern for existing hotels until it was pointed out that the GSD once announced plans for seven new hotels in Gibraltar and were still pressing for new ones.
“Long Johns” put his right foot in and complained that the floating hotel had gone to the Development and Planning Commission (DPC) as a done deal. He even suggested the vessel had left for Gibraltar before the DPC had even met.
“Long Johns” quickly pulled his right leg out when the GSD learned there was no done deal because the DPC meeting was two weeks before the vessel left.
Yet “Long Johns” had more moves - now like a demented Tom Jones he thrust his pelvis accusing the Government of only paying lip service to the planning process even though it was precisely the Government that ensured the vessel went to planning in public in the first place.
“Long Johns” then waved his arms in the air and accused the Government of flouting environmental considerations. The Government waved back saying the planning application form for the project made it clear that an environmental statement was underway. Therefore far from paying lip service to the environment, such considerations are at the centre of Government thinking and an EIA is being produced.
At which point “Long Johns” and the GSD all fall down before getting up and starting all over again.
However Feetham is not a one dance hoofer. He has danced the Fandango over the number of operations cancelled due to bed shortages even though there were fewer than when the GSD took our pulses.
He has treated us to the Lindy Hop, also known as the Black Bottom, over the government’s appointment of the new GBC Board despite the fact it followed the same steps as the GSD. He kept on Hopping when it was pointed out that his former dance partner, the greatest Gibraltarian who has ever lived, had appointed members of his own family to the board.
He’s done the prancing Cakewalk over hospital waiting lists that are better than when Nurse Del Agua left the dance floor.
He’s given us the Farruca with its sudden tempo and mood changes because the Chief Minister met President Obama and he didn’t.
He has done the Twist when it has been pointed out to him he has sold Gibraltar short abroad.
Feetham has even managed to find dance steps to Beating the Retreat over the GSD’s Theatre Royal debacle and his party in government’s power station plans for Lathbury Barracks.
The GSD collectively did the Chicken Dance over whether to put forward a candidate for the by-election or not. Did the Single Swing because they daren’t let Caruana stand down and lose his seat. They even performed the Khon to persuade a member of the PDP to stand for selection as nobody in the GSD dared be caught standing when the music finished.
The GSD are now being schooled in the Bransle – a French follow the leader dance – that could take some time to learn. Feetham will be doing the Hula, with its hypnotic hip movements during the by-election so watch out for that one. Finally if the GSD come third, as many predict, then expect the Shag, which is a dance, which is a dance – where party members hop about enthusiastically to avoid getting the blame.