By The Real Chief Minister
My loyal subjects, I know there was a dreadful mistake in the general election and I was voted out of office but I still consider myself as the Real Chief Minister as I know you do too.
Last year I sent you a postcard from Andorra, the tiny nation set in the Pyrenees, whose model I aspire too for our own beloved Rock. I am doing so again this year, or rather the Beloved Sister has bought me an Andorra Wii, so I am sending it from there. Sadly without the salary and perks of being chief minister I have had to reduce my spending and so for now it is a virtual Andorra rather than the real thing. Later my family will come skiing with me down the stairs of my house in Irish Town which I have now renamed Andorra La Vella after the capital of Europe’s sixth smallest country.
There have been some wicked rumours about my wish to make Gibraltar in to another Andorra sharing sovereignty between Britain and Spain. True for the past decade I have been in favour of an Andorra status for Gibraltar even though I deny it when I have to. Whatever you do don’t believe a word of what Peter Hain is about to tell you!
Andorra is governed ultimately by the Bishop of Urgell and the President of France. If Gibraltar follows this model I accept the Spanish monarch would be one of the co-rulers but as a Knight of the Holy Catholic Church I would protect your interests as the other head of State.
Now I am sure some smart Alec will point out that the President of France and the Bishop are royal princes in Andorra although they have never been elected by the Andorran people. This should worry us not as we didn’t elect the British monarch either and certainly not her Governor. As the Real Chief Minister it is my right to be your ruler and remember in Spanish Real means Royal, which of course I am.
A little known fact about Andorra is that it declared war on Imperial Germany during the First World War. However it was not included in the Treaty of Versailles and hence remained at war with that nation to 1957. Likewise as the Real Chief Minister I have declared war on many people, Joe Bossano and the Governor of the Day to name but two, and I assure you that will remain my status quo until I am truly raised up over you as Head of State and then “off with their heads!”
For the next four years please feel free to come and tug your forelocks at my front door. I will also be doing processions through my kingdom with Prince Daniel, who you have to admit does carry himself like a real prince, which could never be said of my loyal serf Joe Holliday.
The Other Chief Minister will govern you until you come to your senses and vote me back in to power. As he takes over the reins of office may I say to Fabian Picardo – break a leg in 2012! The Beloved Sister has just said “say it as if you mean it”, which of course I do – break a leg Fabian! Perhaps two!